Worse Than Being A Dick Tease!

At the beginning of this year, I vowed to cut all the bullshit out of my life.  It’s definitely a work in progress, but so far I think I’ve been doing a fairly decent job:  I’ve been working out multiple days a week, cut back/out drinking, respectfully stopped talking to certain females, and a heap of other shit I can’t think of at the moment.

Warning: There are going to be a lot of variations of the word “fcuk” in this blog post!  So, kids cover your ears…

The newest bullshit contributors  about to be cut the fcuk out are bitches (male & female) who start telling me something then decide to stop midway through.  Personally, THAT shit annoys the fcuk outta me.  I don’t give a fcuk if midway through you realize that you didn’t want to tell me a part of the story.  Too fcuk’n late!  Fcuk’n improvise and leave that part out, dumb ass.  I don’t give a fcuk if midway through you realize that you’ll be incriminating yourself or someone else.  Too fcuk’n late!  Find a way to unincriminate (yeah I made that shit up) yourself or that other person.

It wouldn’t be a true The Warped Reality blog post without some muh fcuk’n examples.  So sit back and enjoy how these 2 bitches decided to annoy me…

Example 1:
I was talking to one of my home girls a few weeks back.  I can’t remember how, but the topic of conversation was dating strippers.  I was telling her how I don’t even like strippers, but there’s this one bad joint at this club I DJ’d at last year that I would wife up.  Instead of watering down the conversation with narration, I’ll try to recap it…

  • Her: Bullshit, you couldn’t date a stripper!
  • Me: I definitely could as long as I didn’t go to the club while she was working.  Can’t be watching ninjas groping my bitch!
  • Her: Fcuk that!  The first day you all go out to a regular spot together and some random dude comes up to her you’re going to be wondering where she knows him from and you wouldn’t be able to handle it
  • Me: Ummmmmm, no!  I’m not a jealous dude.
  • Her: It would still bother you
  • Me: Not really!
  • Her: I know more about you than you think I do
  • Me: Care to explain that?
  • Her: Don’t worry about it

No doubt that me and my home girl are cool!  That said, the last relationship I was in was with my son’s mom before he was conceived.  I met this muh fcuka after my son was born.  So, clearly the timing is a lil off.  Like any sane person, I’m trying to explain to her that she’s never actually seen me in a relationship so coming to a hypothesis like that is pretty empty.

This is when she starts to tell me that people have told her shit about me.  So of course I want to know what the fcuk was said.  I mean, who fcuk’n wouldn’t, right?  And her dumb ass argument was that if she told me what she’d heard, it would give away who told her and she’d promised not to say anything to me.

Needless to say, that conversation ended and I had nothing to say to that annoying-ass muh fcuka for a few days.

Which leads me to the reason for this post.  I’m not an unfair person.  I have no control over what conversations anyone has with other people.  I can’t knock anyone for being told something in confidence and wanting to keep the “secret.”  My only advice is to not bring the shit up in conversation, especially with the person who it may be about, then not be willing expound on it.

Example 2:
I’m having a conversation with this chick I’ve been rapping to for the last year.  Though we’ve never officially dated, our relationship is more serious than the ones I have with random birds I meet.  That said, due to some outside, uncontrollable factors, I’m at a point where I know the shit isn’t going anywhere.  So I was down to still be friends, but acting like there’s potential for something to blossom into a relationship is a waste of time in my opinion.  She doesn’t quite agree.  Why?  Because she’s a woman and that’s how a lot of them think.  Yeah, I said it!

Anyway, I realize (and she later confirms) that whenever I do begin to exclusively date anyone it will bother her.  I can respect that because her feelings are clearly in it, but at this point I know that even being friends isn’t feasible anymore.  So I tell her that it’s unhealthy trying to be friends right now and that I’m going to start distancing myself from her.  You know what this muh fcuka tells me?

“I need to tell you something but right now is def not the right time/place.  And just so you know, you being distant is not gonna help anything”

Ummmmm…why would this broad even say that shit if she knew good and well she wasn’t going to get into it?  Got my paranoid ass’ attention with that shit and won’t expound on it.

Wanna know why she probably said that shit?  I honestly dunno (lol), but I’m willing to put money on it that her ass has absolutely NOTHING of value to tell me!  This is a prime example of what desperate broads do when they’re not getting their way.  I know this because I have this fcuked up gene that draws me to birds that seem to do this shit REGULARLY.  That trait and me are like fcuk’n magnets attracting each other.  I’m doomed destined to be subject to that shit.

Anyway, in closing…

If you value our friendship or acquaintance, you’ll try your hardest not to start telling me shit then stop midway through.  Why?  Because I’m currently doing some spring cleaning and you might get bleached the fcuk out…

Sincerely,
Andre

P.S. The reason that shit is worse than being a dick tease (the title) is because secretly, even though we men HATE when a chick is a dick tease, we understand it.  It annoys us, but we play along accordingly!  We know that ultimately being a dick tease is a woman’s warped way of getting what she wants out of us and we honestly can’t knock it because MEN RUN THE FCUK’N WORLD!  That’s right, I said it!  Women – 1, Men – infinity!

About The Warped Reality

I'm a normal guy (in my world...lol) and I enjoy my daily interactions with the weirdos out there!
This entry was posted in Etiquette A La Carte, Simply A Suggestion, Strong Enough For Her, But Written For Him, Strong Enough For Him, But Written For Her, Venting. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Worse Than Being A Dick Tease!

  1. TRIXIE says:

    wow….. so true though…..i pray deees women not caribbean…. cus caribbean women say wat they gotta say…. dissapointing… and these are the type of women u attract…. u need to go bk to the manufacturer and work out the kinks….

  2. Cuzzo Randa says:

    Um.. that’s too much.. I don’t do that BS to men, nor do I associate with fake females.. if you want the trombone.. then say so.. get it and move on.. its real simple.. all that back and forth, I wanna tell u something but don’t wanna say it.. Are you pregnant? If not.. don’t do that.. UGH that would annoy the FCUK outta me.. just reading, I can imagine.. lol

    I’m a HUGE Proponent of keeping it 100.. if you have something to say.. do it. or Shut the FCUK up.. and don’t complain when I’ve moved my attention elsewere..

    WHERE U meeting these chics? SMH

  3. Nique says:

    OMG I hate that ish too!!! They tell you a LONG ass story and then just when they are about to get to the juicy part, they hit “I’ll elaborate more when I see you” or the famous “I’ll tell you later” no mofo, tell me NOW lls and if you ask about it at a later time they act like you committed a crime smdh SN: not just women do that ish…my male best friend does that ALL the time lol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s