Thanks to all the dialogue stemming from “Girls Are Fcuk’n Dumb!!!” and “I Ain’t Sorry Bitches,” I decided it’s only fair to pinpoint an area where ninjas are fcuk’n up and share my warped insight on it. I’ve also elected to replace the word bitch(es) with bish(es) in future posts: it still gets the point across and I don’t have to hear anyone’s mouth or read any comments around how offensive it may be. I’m tired of them bish ass muh fcukas. HAHA!
(All of this is an attempt to appease the damn haters that surfaced after I published those two posts. I guess what I say (and how I say it) is more important and influential than I thought because I never anticipated that my measly ole OPINIONS would elicit such a response. Who woulda thunk? Before I get into the reason for this post though, I’d like to draw my new-found haters’ attention to the following public service announcement:
“Hi hater! Welcome to The Warped Reality. Believe it or not, I’m actually honored to have you on my “team!” Why? Because it means that I’m doing something right. That is all! Bishes”
And in that same vein, here are some pearls of wisdom from Katt Williams…
Oh! And to the bitch bish who reached out to my MOTHER to tell her how offensive my blog is, go turn on a blender and stick your hand in it. Aside from the fact that you pulled a grade school move and told my mommy on me (I still can’t stop laughing at that shit), what do you expect her to do? Let’s be real here…
- I’m a grown ass man! And yeah, I’ll always be my mother’s child but let’s face the facts – she can really only suggest shit to me. She can’t actually make me do shit anymore.
- My mother knows I’m an ass. She also knows I can make some good points when I’m ready. So what does she do when she’s not in the mood to listen to my rants? Ignores me!
- (My favourite) She’s technologically inept. She literally JUST got comfortable instant messaging me last year…and she still has issues with that every once in a while. (I’m sure she had to ask your dumb ass WTF a blog was).
Anyway, from now on – everyone should treat my blog like they would an author, comedian, or pop artist. If you think Zane’s books are too racy, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t read them. If you think Dave Chappelle curses too much, I’m almost positive you wouldn’t buy a ticket to see him live. If you think Lil Wayne glorifies using drugs too much, I suspect that you wouldn’t go buy his album. If you don’t get where I’m going with this yet, let me spell it out for you. If you don’t like my blog and you find the content offensive, STOP READING IT DUMB ASS! Trust me, I wouldn’t even notice and you’re clearly not who I’m writing for anyway. Why? Because my audience can look past my shenanigans, and get to the underlying message in my posts. So cut the bitch assness out (that phrase was trademarked by Diddy, hence the reason I didn’t use the word “bish”…lol) and let’s all be adults here.
Now that I’ve got that out of my system…
I’ve tried my hardest to keep my mouth shut and not throw my fellow ninjas under the bus, but so many fellas have jumped on the “fcuk’n dumb” train that I can’t hold my tongue anymore. Blame Thank the haters for this post guys!
Since this is my first time directly addressing the fellas I thought I’d depart from my traditional format…
Dear Fellas (who’re currently ’involved’) —
I’m seriously gonna need for you to stop thinking with your M&Ms (Mini Me’s) when in a relationship and start taking a lesson in “how not to get caught” from the hoes devious bishes instead.
We all know that the mystery of “the new pussy va jay jay” has plagued our gender for centuries millennia. But let’s be real, when we give in to the temptation, a lot of times it’s like hearing Rihanna perform live – it just doesn’t live up to the hype. Instead, it’s more common that we conquer the new snatch, get bored and eventually leave it alone. Very seldom is the new vaj worth the trouble.
Unfortunately, the trouble usually arises because most of us aren’t blessed with the gene females have of being able to maintain a good lie. Wanna know why? Because most women don’t think with their lady parts. They think with some other shit that I’m currently trying to figure out. Since you guys ALL eventually get caught, we need to make a change.
When a women is in a relationship, she’s typically dedicated to her man. She would never even consider cheating on him, UNLESS her new suitor has something better to offer. That’s right, women operate like actuaries when it comes to cheating. They factor in risk and the potential opportunities that come along with it. If it’s not probable that she’ll end up in a better situation (emotionally, financially, etc.) if she cheats, then the likelihood of her doing it is slim to none. Well, the likelihood of her cheating and you finding out…lol!
You guys need to take a cue from that practice. Since all lady parts aren’t created equal, it’s a gamble to jeopardize your relationship solely for that. Instead, you should pinpoint the shit that you do and don’t like about your current chick. Then, you should figure out if the new chick who keeps making your m&m jump for joy when she comes in the room (1) encompasses the characteristics of your current chick that you do like, (2) doesn’t encompass the characteristics of your current chick that you don’t like, and (3) doesn’t encompass any characteristics that will annoy the fcuk outta you that you don’t already have to deal with.
After you’ve mitigated the risk, if it makes sense to pursue the new snatch, then the call is yours. I’d personally suggest breaking up with your current chick first though. I’d never condone cheating, but I would condone that break up if the new chick is clearly a better catch. This is of course if you’re not married. I guess I shoulda put that at the beginning of this letter huh? Whoopsie…lol!