I was listening to the Kane Show this morning and he inspired me to write this short blog post.
So the topic of discussion when I was listening was this thing Kane refers to as “Closure Calls.” Pretty much, people call into the show and ask Kane to help them find out why the person they thought they were happily dating fell off the side of the earth and stop returning calls/texts. The concept (with regard to the caller) is actually kinda retarded in my opinion, but the shit is mad funny and I enjoy listening to it.
Anyway, in this particular scenario this dude called into the show. He was dating this chick for a few months I believe. They were apparently kicking it hard. So hard that at least two months ago, they planned a beach trip for this month. Now, some time in between then and now, she up and stopped returning his calls with no notice. In short, this weak ass ninja wanted to still go to the beach with this broad even though they hadn’t been in contact for a month. I’m pretty sure Ray Charles could’ve seen that the bish had moved on to the next one.
So, Kane got involved and was able to get the chick to admit why she blocked that ninja’s number. Apparently, after getting the cookies at her place one night, he took the condom(s) out of the garbage, took them home and disposed of them himself. She thought that shit was weird as fcuk and didn’t want anything else to do with him. Kinda harsh, but hey! Maybe that was in her list of non-negotiables and she forgot to tell that bama “Bitch Bye!!!”
His argument was that in the past, some incident transpired where a chick tried to take his used condom, probably a turkey baster, and some tongs and tried to impregnate herself.
I personally am on the fence with this one, but before I get to why, I thought that some of the shit that callers brought to Kane were classic. My top three were:
- Semen doesn’t stay alive long in condoms! I swear I wanted to call in when that dumb bish said that shit. If labs can collect and preserve semen for sperm banks (for YEARS), then that shit can live long enough for a psycho broad to try to play Easy Bake Oven with some condom spit & her ovaries.
- Why was she digging in the trash to be able to figure out that he took the condom(s)? That’s actually a pretty damn good point. Maybe her scheming ass was trying to trap that ninja.
- Why didn’t he just flush them down the toilet? Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t they (I don’t know who “they” actually are) say you’re not supposed to dispose condoms in toilets?
Anyway, I digress…
I’ll be honest, I’ve discreetly done what homeboy did in some capacity. For about a year, I was so paranoid about knocking bishes up, that I had a ritual.
- Bust a nut in condom
- Tie knot in condom
- Wrap condom in toilet paper
- Place wrapped condom in pocket
- Leave chick’s crib
- Dispose of condom in
storm drain or out the car window on the highwaytrash receptacle
So, I can definitely understand where dude’s coming from. That said, when you really think about it, he shouldn’t be giving any chicks the business if he’s worried they may try to trap him. The day I woke up and realized that I was just being paranoid and that I trusted the skallywags I was sleeping with was the day I stopped at step two in my condom disposal process. I dunno why, but I still knot them shits. Don’t Judge Me! *Points to reader*
What are your thoughts on this shit?