The Carnival Hall Pass

Lemme start by apologizing for how long it took me to post this and for how long it’s going to take you to read it.  I’ve been mad busy between work and traveling to Trinidad.  Yes, I’m boasting…lol!  Anyway, it’s all done!  Enjoy…

DC Carnival 2011 is officially over, and the countdown to the next carnival has begun.  Unfortunately, I can’t make it to Caribana (Toronto) or Crop Over (Barbados) this year so it’s either Labor Day (Brooklyn) or Miami Carnival for me.  But that’s not what this post is about.  Rather it deals with some of the thought-provoking and deeply profound insights that DC Carnival has inspired in me…

And the title of the post says it all!  A hall pass should become a mandatory feature of all things carnival.  That means ALL the pre-carnival parties, the road experience, the las’ lap (cool down) parties, and anything else remotely associated with all versions of the greatest show on earth.  Why?  Because I said so, and it’s my blog!  Seriously though, when you factor in (1) copious amounts of alcohol consumed continuously over multiple days, (2) a TON of winin’ (provocative waist to waist, leg, ground, chest, face, etc. dancing for my non-Caribbean readers), (3) too many beautiful women, (4) and the list goes on.  There are just too many chances to fall into a respectable young beti’s (indian female for my non-Caribbean readers) vagination slip up.

I personally behaved myself this year, but trust me when I say I almost ended up in some very compromising situations this entire weekend.  Luckily, a combination of being a lil oblivious to some invitations and having external circumstances pull me away from doing something completely out of  (my new!) character kept me in check…lol!  Lemme tell you about my memorable 2011 DC Carnival week(end)…

Just to give you an idea of the chances I had to cut up, I had to work from Wednesday straight through Sunday:

1. Launch Party (Wednesday night)
2. One (Thursday night)
3. Hookie (Friday afternoon)
4. Live in the City (Friday night)
5. DC Carnival Parade (Saturday)
6. Xen (Saturday night)
7. Cool Down :: Appreciation Party (Sunday night)

The Launch Party was surprisingly great!  ’Surprisingly’ because this was a first-time attempt so I really didn’t know what to expect.  Ultimately, it was an awesome way to set the vibe for DC Carnival.  I decided to take it easy on the drinking in honor of real work the next day and having six more events to DJ for.  The responsible guy that I am, I only had 2 drinks between 8:30 when I got there and 2:00 when I played my last song.  Aren’t you proud of me?

Thursday night’s ‘One’ is honestly still a bit of a blur.  Why?  Because sexy ass bartenders are the fcuk’n devil.  Similar to the Launch Party, I decided to go easy on the drinking, but failed MISERABLY.  Per the promoter’s request, I got there early and there was an open bar special on the new Courvoisier Rosé.  I’m not a cognac fan, but I was thirsty and that shit was free, so I figured I’d at least try it.  I told the bartender that I’d shout her out on the mic if she could turn it into something I liked and so said, so done!  Thanks to her awesome concoction, I somehow consumed four of them shits before I even started playing.  Don’t get it twisted though, once the open bar special ended so did my drinking of that shit.  Perfect timing too, because I had to go play.

By the time I’d finished playing there were only 30 minutes left to party.  Not enough to get nice, right?  WRONG!!!  On the way to my sexy ass bartender to get one last drink, I ran into one of my boys.  And what does he say to me, “What’s good with a shot of Patron son?”  I hesitated a bit, but figured one shot couldn’t hurt.  I’m still trying to figure out how that turned into three shots and two Losos (Patron & lemonade).  Oh, and did I mention that my bar tab was a whopping $14.  Guess who got the tip of the weekend?  Not her ass, I’m cheap!  Ok, I’m joking…I tipped her like if I don’t have a mortgage and a kid to pay for.

Anyway, I know I jokingly claim to be a functioning alcoholic, but even I can admit that that much in a 30 minute period is a bit aggressive for a Thursday night.  Before I get to Hookie, let’s talk about real work on Friday.  Yeah, I was late!  And I blame my boy and that sexy ass bartender for that shit.  If it wasn’t for my mom visiting from Trinidad, I don’t think I could’ve even gotten up before noon.  I was totally oblivious when she shook me awake to ask if I was going to work.  No wonder why she thinks I still have some maturing to do!  *Hangs head in shame*  LOL!

But back to the good stuff: Hookie on Friday was also great!  When I got there, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  The same party I’d attended last year and thought was a cool event to kill some time at now had me thinking “By next year or two, this’ll be a ‘can’t afford to miss’ event.”  Shout out to all the DJs who played their asses off, not to mention the absolutely fantastic view.  Note: it was a pool party, so you know what view I’m referring to –  B.I.Bs – BISHES in BIKINIS!  I won’t lie though, some of them needed to either wear more flattering swimwear, or hit the gym hard before coming.  That’s a story for another post though.  Drinks were seriously flowing at Hookie too.  All I’ll say is someone, whose name is NOT Andre, brought a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black (JWB) inside.  So, someone, whose name IS Andre, drank it!  That is all!  Cue: Ron Burgundy

Friday night’s Live in the City was where the debauchery really started.  Why?  Because (1) this party was drinks inclusive, (2) I was still feeling my buzz from Hookie, (3) my best friend came in from Trinidad, and (4) I didn’t have to go into the office until Tuesday.  That, my friends, is a killer combination.  All I’ll say is I drank a lot, got felt up by a lot of ladies, and felt up about twice as many.  What’s that song Jamie Foxx sang?  Oh yeah, “Blame it on the Alcohol.”  If my best friend hadn’t been with me, I wouldn’t have had a good enough reason to not follow through with my  shenanigans.  I can’t even lie though, I almost tried to get her an alternate ride home.  Don’t judge me bishes…lol!

Saturday, met me on Georgia Avenue with Afrodisiacs and that shit (the road, NOT the band) was fcuk’n awful!  The band’s vibe actually lifted my spirits a bit but the road itself was complete and utter SHIT.  Last year, I was on the verge of heat stroke/alcohol poisoning because we were on the road so long and my boys and I finished two bottles of JWB.  This year, we ended up by Banneker field in what seemed like a blink of an eye.  Shit, I’ve had longer sexcapades than the road this year.  To make matters worse, I wasn’t even in a drinking mood and had a total of one drink.  DC Carnival Committee better do something about that shit next year or they may have some competition in the category of “someone hosting DC Carnival elsewhere.”  Just remember where you heard it from first!

Saturday night was Xen!  Xen, Xen, Xen!  I usually work for another promoter on DC Carnival Saturday, so I didn’t know what to expect.  All I can say is don’t tell me and my boy that a bottle of JWB is only $180 including gratuity.  Especially when my boy only had two or three drinks from it and left me with the bottle to go perform emcee on stage.  I shared it with some people, but nowhere near enough to prevent me from getting wasted.  Similar to Live in the City, I drank a lot, got felt up by a lot of ladies, and felt up about twice as many.  Somehow, before the end of the night, it seemed like a good idea to go up on stage and perform with him…I’ve since been officially banned from microphones.

Before I get into my final gig for the weekend, the Cool Down :: Appreciation Party, I have to talk about Indigo, the one event that I went to this weekend and didn’t have to work at.  Indigo is…Indigo!  I don’t know how else to describe it.  It’s honestly an invitation only party in its own category.  Like most DJs I hate to pay to go to parties/events.  Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem spending money because I will drop a few hundred at the bar and write it off as a good time.  But my ass just doesn’t like to wait in lines or pay to get into venues.  This is one event that I don’t mind paying to go to though.  Why?  Because it brings together some of the most bourgeoisie Caribbean people and somehow gets them to lower their usual uppity judgement.  I’m talking more slackness than Octomom’s used to be special place, coming from the people who usually frown upon breaking the slightest sweat in a party.  Oh yeah, and it’s all inclusive.  So for a reasonable price, massive amounts of eye candy, food, top shelf drinks, and good music all live in harmony at a beautiful venue for a few hours.

This year was no exception.  Indigo’s new location – a mansion, somewhere in West Bum-fcuk, MD – was breathtaking.  As in nice enough to intimidate the attendees until the alcohol kicked in.   At one point it was definitely the most social party I had been to all weekend…then the service at the bar kicked into gear.  JWB was FLOWING so my boys and I were set!  We hadn’t all been together in about two years (at one of my boys’ weddings to be exact), so we had something to celebrate.  And how did we do that?  Drink JWB straight of course!  We all had these massive wine glasses filled to the rim with that shit.  Looking back, literally all I can do is smile.

The absolute lack of behavior that was had at Indigo was, as always, epic.  Out of all the girls I fell in lust with (and may have groped a lil) that weekend, this Indigo beti who was even more in lust with me was the most memorable.  Somehow her tongue conducted an examination of my mouth and like a good patient, I just said “aaaahhh.”  When she told me I was sleeping in her bed that night  I can’t even lie, I was drunk sprung for a while and could only reply “okay” and take her number.  Funny thing is the same shit happened last year with another bad bish, but I won’t revisit that in this post.  All in all, Indigo was AWESOME!

Which finally leads me to the Cool Down :: Appreciation Party…finally

So I made it to the party and the place was already pumping.  Looking at the crowd, I was a lil worried that in my drunken/tired state I might drop the ball so what did I do?  Went to the bar to get another drink – I needed to cool those nerves damn it!  Then I texted the Indigo beti.  Problem was somehow, when she was giving me her number, I only plugged in 9 digits.  And that’s when I realized I was sleeping in my bed tonight.  I’ve never done the one night stand thing anyway though, so in retrospect I’m glad my drunk ass didn’t save the right number…kinda.

Anyway, I digress…

So, I went up to the DJ booth to play for an hour and ended up playing for 4.5 hours, or so I was told.  I didn’t mind though because apparently I was in a zone!  The vibe was so nice that when I shut down the music at 1 a.m., the manager told me to keep playing for an additional 15 minutes.  All my DJs out there know you can’t beat that, because them bishes usually try to cut you off 15 minutes before they actually close.  Talk about a fantastic end to my 2011 DC Carnival weekend.

Thank God I took the day off from work on Monday because after Sunday night I was so tired I couldn’t even wake up to take my best friend to the airport.  Thank God my mom was in town and saved the day for me!

In an attempt not to incriminate a few people (and myself), I had to leave A LOT out of this blog post.  All I’ll say is that I’m glad I’m not in a relationship because I would be playing the “make it up to my girlfriend” game for at least a month two days.  Even though I didn’t do anything wrong per se, I realized that carnival equals no inhibitions for me.  And all I can do is say thank God, that shit completely out of my control resulted in cock-blocking all weekend.  When I do decide to get into a relationship handcuffed though, I’m making my girl go everywhere with me for every carnival I attend.  Why?  Because it’s evident I need a full-time caregiver when it’s carnival anywhere in the world.

Kes The Band honestly couldn’t have said it any better, “Ah Wotlessssssssss!”

Unless of course she’s cool with giving me a carnival hall pass, because then I’d be in business…Just Saying!!!