The Curse Of The “Forever Bridesmaids”

I recently read a Wall Street Journal article titled “An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage.”  In short, the reporter insinuated that the cure for the plague of the unmarried black woman is a relationship/marriage outside of their race.  It features two successful, unwed black women on their “journey” through their lonely single lives.  It’s actually a well-written piece complete with supporting data.

Now here’s how I’m going to chop that shit into pieces…

For starters, I don’t care how well-written it is, or how much data was collected and referenced…how did this shit make it into the Wall Street Journal as a topic of discussion?  Why is it 2011 and race is still an issue?

In my opinion, race is not the sole driver behind the plight of the unmarried black chick, but since that’s what the reporter is focusing on, I’ll try to tailor my commentary to suit.

Where do I start?  How about where the reporter more or less blames black males for single sista syndrome.  As a black male, I’m kinda offended.  Well…not really, but it sounded good!  If we really need to blame someone for this syndrome though, the finger should be pointed directly at black women.  Did I just say that out loud?  Sure fcuk’n did!  It sounds harsh, but it’s really that simple in my opinion.  Like in many cases, the “victim” is her own worst enemy.  And here are my top five reasons for thinking this:

  1. Sheer Ignorance
  2. Fellow Black Women
  3. Blind Faith In The Black Man
  4. Fear Of Something Different
  5. The Need To Be Overly Independent

Sheer Ignorance
Ignorant ass black women will be single for the rest of their lives…or as my lil bro would say they’ll be “forever bridesmaids”.  Why?  Because ignorance is never sexy and no sane man would take these women seriously.  That said, we men will nevertheless tolerate and entertain them…but our tolerance and entertaining typically only extends as far as a good dick down.  Just saying!  Ignorant chicks are usually pretty dope in the bedroom wherever the sweatiness takes place, but who the hell wants to take one out in public?

Fellow Black Women
Based on numbers alone, the global female to male ratio is like an all-you-can-eat buffet that favors the male appetite.  Factor in the percentage of women who are willing to be nothing more than someone’s semen receptacle – “it’s true, it’s true!” *Paul Mooney Voice* – and you have a situation that seriously dissuades men from settling down.

The day that society goes back to not only frowning upon promiscuity, but also shunning those guilty of it, is the day women will learn to take pride in their selves again.  Problem is that shit isn’t going to happen because we’re moving in the completely opposite direction at what seems like the speed of light.

Blind Faith In The Black Man
Black women need to leave slavery in the muh fcuk’n past!  Yeah, I said it!  If I hear another black woman say something along the lines of “black men had to endure so much that I can’t turn my back on them” I swear that Wayne Brady will have to choke a bish! Shut that shit up and pay close attention to the following: “a lot of most black men turned their backs on black women the first time they heard about the shit that white women allow, in and out of the bedroom.”  That probably came out really harsh, so lemme explain!

For starters, black men didn’t really turn their backs on black women.  And lemme clear this up – white women have nothing to do with it.  I just included that to be silly.  The fact is that men in general are intrigued by shit outside of the norm.  So, if a guy grows up in a predominantly black neighborhood, the first time a chick of another ethnicity gives him the time of the day, chances are he’s going to jump all over it…It’s also because to most of us men, ass and titties an attractive woman will transcend race.

Fear Of Something Different
Ironically, I think a lot of women are the opposite and see race first!  Again, that’s simply my opinion.  The way I see it, a lot of black women aren’t open to different races and I say that because I’ve personally heard several sistas state “I couldn’t see myself with a white dude.”  And usually the reasons are so fcuk’n trivial that I honestly lose a lil respect for them.  The top three I’ve heard are (1) we have nothing in common, (2) I can’t imagine having to teach him about black hair, and (3) I’m just not attracted to white men.

  1. The “we have nothing in common” argument is a fcuk’n cop-out.  Even when you’re hooking up with someone you’ve known forever, relationships are full of learning about the other person.  So how the fcuk do you know that you have nothing in common from five seconds of interaction (if any at all)?
  2. As for “teaching” him about black hair: cop-out!  Take the easy road: buy the movie Good Hair and tell him to study that shit because there will be a test at the end.
  3. Saying that you’re not attracted to white men is yet another fcuk’n cop-out.  There are attractive and unattractive people in EVERY race.  So stop being ignorant (refer to the top of this list!) and making blanket statements like that.

Are you seeing the recurring theme here?  That’s right: the black women who make these excuses are bullshitting, because each of the excuses is a big ole COP-OUT!

The Need To Be Overly Independent
Lemme start by saying that women of all shades and colors have a problem with leaving the work mentality at work!  What do I mean by that?  Women have it tough in the work world.  They typically have to work harder, be more assertive, etc. than their male counterparts if they want to move forward.  When women start playing the corporate “game” in relationships though, is when it starts to go wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, a woman who can get shit done is awesome!  Being overly independent, however, is not only unattractive it’s also fcuk’n annoying, because let’s face it, men all like to feel necessary in some capacity.  There’s a happy medium between being the needy female (who men run from) and the one who’s so independent that she literally doesn’t need a man for ANY reason (because her dildo and vibrator game is that good). Point is, there’s a time a place for the overly independent shit and home is not it!

I really don’t have much of a point to this post other than the fact that the article that prompted it, though well-written, ain’t about shit.  Not knocking the writer, but it’s just a good read for simple-minded people who see in black and white.  The way I see it, while I haven’t taken some beautiful black woman off the market, it’s not like I’ve settled down with a woman of another race either!  Yeah, I date all shades and shapes, but so do most guys I know.  And yeah, I’ve taken advantage of the fact that there aren’t many quality eligible MALES (not just black) available, and I’ve freely sown my wild oats, but  I have a fair amount of white, indian, hispanic, and asian male friends who are doing the same damn thing!  Don’t judge me though! LOL

About The Warped Reality

I'm a normal guy (in my and I enjoy my daily interactions with the weirdos out there!
This entry was posted in "Love Stories", In The News, Strong Enough For Her, But Written For Him, Strong Enough For Him, But Written For Her, Venting. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Curse Of The “Forever Bridesmaids”

  1. Kevin Joseph says:

    I read the article “An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage” and felt that the author spoke very negative of the black man in general. He talked about black men being incarcerated, lagging in college & being less accomplished than their female counterpart and that successful black men refuse to commit to marriage because there is a variety of woman to choose from. I felt that although the piece was comprehensive it failed to attack the problem of the black male head on.
    I submit to you that before denigrating the black man understand their situation in society. If we were to look at the current joblessness rate in America, I am willing to bet you that the unemployment rate for a black man is astronomical now and equally was a problem when I was younger. The woman in the article was about 39, which would put her in about the same age group as me. In the late 80’s and early 90’s, I lived through a period of black history known as the crack epidemic. I saw firsthand the destruction of young black males either meeting an early death or being incarcerated. I watched how the government changed the guidelines for crack cocaine to have the ability to sentence black men to jail for 20 years on their first offense. I also learned that the Reagan administration was responsible for importing crack into our inner cities so that they could fund a war against the contras in Nicaragua. I also watched drug dealers buy woman extravagant gifts and sometimes pay for them to go to college and although they were wrong for selling drugs the black female always had her hand out accepting and condoning the selling of drugs. The black male has also had to grow up in fatherless households where the task of grooming him to manhood falls on the mother. A woman is not equipped to teach a boy how to become a man. A boy becoming a man is achieved by that boy observing a man taking care of his family and displaying respect and responsibility. The lack of that kind of education is the only thing lagging and has lead to the black man being incarcerated in alarming numbers. This directly accounts for the reason why black males are not in college. On the other hand, black females see their mothers providing for the family and are able to connect with a strong role model.
    I truly believe that society sees the black man as angry & intimidating and the black woman as conciliatory. This is why black woman are able to win over white employers for jobs commonly held by a black men. Here’s a little history lesson, black woman in the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and even the 80’s where not competing for the same jobs and salary as black men. Therefore, the disparity between successful black woman and black men has been closing. With the entry of black woman in to the workforce that has tightened up the playing field and limited the amount of available jobs that would otherwise be in the marketplace.
    When it comes to commitment, black males who are positive and successful tend to be less inclined to settle down. I can say first hand that once upon a time, I was that guy. Luckily, I got older and decided to settle down, as all men should do at some point in their life. In this article, “Why are There So Many Single Females “, it talked about how there are about 1.8 million more black woman than black men. So even if every black man in America married a black woman today, one out of 12 black women still wouldn’t make it down the aisle if they hoped to marry a black man. This may sound disappointing but if a black female is steadfast in marrying a black man she should keep her eyes on the prize. In the Steve Harvey book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”, he asks is your requirement sheet ridiculous? “Admittedly, the selection of men is slim,” Harvey said, but “there are still a lot of good men out there who are being overlooked. There are a lot of women, though, who are trying to match up their education level, who are trying to match up their corporate status to find somebody on the same level, and they are having trouble. That has nothing to do with manhood at all.” I don’t think that the black woman should have to settle but compromise is good and finding a man who loves you, respects you and is willing to go to the ends of the earth with you goes a long way.
    Now that I have addressed the author of “An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage”, I can now concentrate on your blog which lead me to read the article in the first place.
    Sheer Ignorance which you define as an ignorant black woman is really not a fair label. Why do you call them ignorant? I agree that being ignorant is not sexy, but an example would have clarified your position on why certain black women are still single. In my experience, women have gotten ignorant with me when, I lied and lead them to believe that, I wanted to be with them when, I was really there for the sex. Think about it from a woman’s perspective, younger men and even older men run game and woman get tired of dealing with that and lash out.
    Fellow Women, I agree with completely, there is a variety of woman from all nationalities that a black man could sink their teeth in. In my day, I only had about three options dark skin, light skin and brown skin. For the black woman, I can see where this can be an obstacle to getting a good black man.
    Fear of Something Different, I don’t believe black woman fear the unknown, however, I do like the idea of them genuinely wanting to be married to a black man. I think it is admirable and reassuring. There is nothing like a strong black woman as your partner. Now, I am not saying that I have a problem with them looking for love amongst other races but, I do expect a black male and a black female to at least consider dating or getting married to someone who is black.
    The Need to Be Independent, this stems from them having to be independent. Women are tough cookies, they are often asked to be mommy and daddy. Remember black men have been notorious for leaving their baby mother high and dry. I personally love and respect an independent woman! Speaking from experience, I have a strong independent woman and I am happy to be her partner, lover and friend. We have learned so much from each other.
    This was an interesting topic and it forced me to write and express my ideas!
    Thanks Andre….

  2. Thank you for this response! I really appreciate you taking the time to write it. You definitely touched on a few points that I didn’t even think of. The only thing I need to clarify though is that I definitely wasn’t calling black women ignorant. Sorry if it came across that way. I was just referring to the the ignorant women within the black female community. Again though, thanks for the comment.

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