I wrote this about four months ago and just realized I never posted it. Oops? Enjoy…
I’m starting to see a pattern here. Every time I have a conversation with one of my home girls about her man boy problems, blog topics pop into my head. You know what that means? I need to start talking to that ratchet more.
So, she and I went to see Jumping the Broom last night. I can’t even lie, I just went along because Paula Patton’s sexy ass was in it. I don’t want any more kids, but I would trap that bish without thinking twice if I ever got within reach of her cookies…lol! Surprisingly though, the movie was entertaining the entire way through. Mostly because Laz Alonso’s family was ghetto as hell and I like laughing at the ignorant shit that ghetto nignags say. You can call me bourgeoisie if you want, but guess who doesn’t give a fcuk? That’s right…this guy! *Points thumbs to self* After watching that shit though, there’s not a chance in hell that I could marry into a ghetto family. I just can’t! Wait…why am I typing out a movie preview? That is so not the point of this post.
Anyway, I digress…
After the movie, naturally we started talking about relationships. I think I was telling her why I think “Girls Are Fcuk’n Dumb.” And in true woman fashion, she found it necessary to defend her fellow ladies and explain that men are just as dumb. What she didn’t realize is that honestly I didn’t give a fcuk about how dumb nignags are. I’m only interested in vagination, so I didn’t care what she had to say! At least not until she mentioned the questions that a fair amount of guys repeatedly ask her…
- When was the last time you had sex?
- How many guys have you slept with?
- Am I the best you’ve ever had?
I swear my mouth dropped when she uttered the nonsense that these dudes were asking her Once I was able to pull my jaw off the nasty ass parking lot floor, all I could say was “Damn, fellas are getting soft in these streets.”
On the behalf of all mankind, I’m sorry ladies! You deserve better. You deserve for men to leave those kinda dumb ass questions to you. Bet you thought I was actually being nice to you for change. That’s a negative? Until I see some change, I still think you all
are dumb do dumb shit, but I still love your snatch you…lol!
At least 75% of the women I’ve dealt with have asked me one – if not all three – of those questions in their own way. Every time I’m asked, I quickly say something along the lines of “Are you sure you want to go down that road with me?” And not because I have something to hide, but because people can’t handle the truth.
Cue: A Few Good Men…
Seriously though, those questions are irrelevant and plain ole stupid if you’re not actually in or at least working on being in a relationship with that person. When someone asks something like that, there are two possible ways it can play out. And none of the outcomes are good. You can either…
- Lie to protect your dirty ass or their feelings/pride
- Be honest and not give a fcuk
Most people prefer number one. Why? Because they either (1) care about the other person’s feelings and know the truth will devastate them or (2) are selfish and want to have their cake and eat it too. Either way, the likelihood of someone being (wo)man enough to tell someone the truth after being asked a dumb ass question like that is pretty slim to none. How many women are seriously going to answer…
- What’s today? Thursday? Oh, this nignag dicked me down two nights ago, then in the morning before work.
- So far, I’ve slept with 33 guys. Seven don’t count though, because they were minute men. So really, I’m at 26.
- Nah boo! Lil JJ around the corner is. Your stroke is weak and I have to handle myself after your minute man ass busts a nut and falls asleep.
Okay, maybe those were some extreme answers, but you get the point. I strongly believe that’s the shit women are thinking before they make up their nice lies…
- I cut off everyone three months ago
- I’ve only slept with six people and honestly, I regret five of them.
- Of course you’re the best baby. You know just how to hit that spot.
Those boring ass answers get fat ass YAWN! I personally like the way I handle it – I try to scare them into not wanting to know, but still give them the opportunity to ruin their day. I always hope they choose ignorance, but I have no problem hurting a curious ass chick’s feelings. Which leads me to the moral of this story blog…
Don’t ask a question if you’re not prepared for the worst possible answer. Be true to thyself. If you even remotely think the answer to a question you have running around in your head will ruin your day, you should ask yourself if it’s worth it. Why put yourself in a losing position if you don’t have to? Stop being so damn curious about dumb shit and focus on something else!
Matter of fact, every time you’re curious about some trivial shit that doesn’t really matter, buy something nice for the person you’re dying to ask the question of. It’s a serious win-win situation. One of two things will happen. Either your pockets will cause your mind to cut the bullshit out of your overly-curious ass or you will constantly be buying gifts for that person. Either way you look at it, you’ll be winning! *Charlie Sheen Voice*