Lemme start off by apologizing for the length of time it’s taken me to publish a new blog post. Between work and planning on how best to propose to my bish the best thing that’s ever happened to me…yeah, you read that right – the kid’s off the market! But yeah, when you factor in all of the elaborate planning that went into making sure that the proposal was absolutely perfect (just like my boo) and the fact that my blog topics were really starting to bother her, I just haven’t had the time to string two sentences together. And like any sane man who’s crazy about his chick can tell you, the expression “happy wife, happy life” ain’t just a cliché.
Now that that’s out of the way…
I’d like to invite you all to the reception! It’s gonna be at the Ritz Carlton on the corner of Gotcha Avenue and Suckaaaa Boulevard…LOL! To all you folks out there who think that facebook is the gospel, I’m not fcuk’n handcuffed engaged. Save all of your congratulations for the day I actually do find someone who makes me gay enough to post a picture of her hand on my profile. The only people who make that cut right now are me, my kid, my sister, my boobie (best friend) and the occasional party flyer. Sheeeiiiiiittt, I haven’t even been in a relationship in almost four years!
But I digress…
I guess I owe you an explanation as to why I decided to be so idle on this extra-special day known as 11/11/11. It all started this morning when my boy bbm’d me that he’d finally popped the question to his (now) fiancée. The excited bama friend that I am, I immediately asked to see the ring. He told me I’d have to ask her for a pic because he didn’t have one…and also made it a point to demasculinate (yeah I made up a new word) me by emphasizing (repeatedly) that I was the only guy who’d asked to see it. Anyhow, as soon as I asked, she emailed me a pic of the boulder ring on her finger.
Maybe lots of bling stimulates my ignorant gland I’m not sure why, but after telling my boy he did a good job spending his life savings, I immediately thought “Wouldn’t it be funny to post that picture to my facebook profile and see what people would say.” Clown that I am, I immediately asked both of them if I could do it. She was down for the cause, but he was being lame and said I couldn’t…lol!
Thank God for Google – after 10 minutes of scrolling through ugly hands and/or ugly rings, I finally found one worthy of me that I liked. One facebook profile pic and relationship status change later, and I was in business! At least until I realized that it would be more realistic if I was engaged to “someone”. All you need is one home girl willing to participate in the tomfoolery (her word, not mine!) and it’s instant mayhem.
I swear 30 seconds hadn’t even passed before my new relationship status was “liked.” And then the comments started…followed swiftly by the texts, calls, bbms, and instant messages. It got so ridiculous that I had to put my phone on silent because the incessant buzzing was driving my co-workers crazy. I even had to recharge my phone coz the battery couldn’t handle the pressure! Females I haven’t spoken to in God alone knows how long were hitting me up like nobody’s business. Two of my homegirls even signed on to AIM and MSN just to ask me about it. This one slow broad I used to play gynaecologist doctor with just keeps proving how little she knows me…she bit the chain up (Trini term for being naïve) til it stuck in her teeth and she felt it necessary to tote it around with her all day…And she kept picking at it! I swear today marked the start of my Carnival six-pack thanks to all the laughing I’ve been doing because of this shit.
Lemme make it clear that I’m not knocking anyone who hit me up or commented on facebook. I appreciate the well wishes and positive vibes and it’s really nice to know that you care. It just amazes me that facebook has become the gospel truth for our generation. Folks who I was sure would know better bit the chain up. HARD! …AND FAST! I swear this became an unplanned lithmus test as to how many people I interact with really know me. Is it that our lives have become so boring that one status update creates a whirlwind of chatter? Or does the Internet simply make us more naïve and willing to believe even the most inexplicable concepts? Either way…11/11/11 became the new April Fools’ suckas! it’s time for a refresher course in how to separate fact from fiction.