For those of you who have been impatiently waiting for me to write a blog post, I’ve finally been inspired! And even better, I promise it’ll be short because I actually have work to do.
Anyway, one of my homegirls sent me a New York Times article and it evoked so much thought that I wanted to share it and get people’s opinions. Originally I was just gonna share it on Facebook, but when I realized that I couldn’t limit my thoughts on it to less than two paragraphs, I figured I’d just throw it up on The Warped Reality.
So the article is called Is Forced Fatherhood Fair? (What a title right?) And as cynical as it may appear, its author, Laurie Shrage, did a good job of expressing her point of view and supporting it with plain ole logic. In short it advocates for lessening the responsibilities unplanned pregnancies place on males. If you haven’t already done so, you should take a read to understand the context.
Before we move on, lemme make it clear that I neither support nor disclaim the views stated in the article. I simply thought her argument was well developed and worthy of some discussion. Now that I’ve taken my riot gear off we’ve gotten that out of the way…
Though it caught me totally off-guard and then sent me on a million different tangents, I’m only going to focus on one of them: how I think this would affect the way America treats sex if this were to actually turn into some kind of legislation. And to clarify what I mean by “America”, I’m referring to the following:
- Women; and
I’ll start with women since chivalry isn’t dead my view on how it would affect them is a bit more “complex” than the other two. Disclaimer: the women I’m referring to in the following section don’t include those who got pregnant within marriage or as a result of rape.
I can’t help but think that this type of legislation would force women to make more strategic sex-related choices. Ranging from ideal to not-so-ideal, those choices would be one or a combination of the following:
- Sexual partners;
- Birth control;
- Morning after pill; and/or
Now ladies, before you start throwing shit at the computer screen and comparing me to Todd Akin, lemme explain myself…
Thanks to the phenomenon known as casual sex, it doesn’t seem that a shitload of thought goes into choosing a sexual partner these days. Shiiiiiiiiiit, you can even lump in significant others in a lot of cases. Why? Because kids people these days aren’t looking at relationships with a telescope, they’re looking at them with a kaleidoscope. With all the shit going on in people’s lives, most can barely plan for next month, let alone the next 18 years. I didn’t do any statistical analysis, but I think it’s safe to say that a large number of unplanned and unwanted pregnancies stem from just that – poor choices.
And yes, children are truly a blessing, but they can also be the bane of your existence sometimes feel like a huge burden if you’re not mature enough to care for them the way they need to be. And that’s when there are two active parents in the picture, let’s not talk about when there’s only one.
Matter of fact, let’s…
There are a shitload of single family homes headed by single mothers and a lot of these aren’t receiving the necessary support to raise a child. I’m not talking about financial support, because for the most part the court systems in America have processes in place to ensure that fathers pay for the kid(s). I’m specifically talking about being there to help raise the little rugrats. I’ve heard too many sob stories of people who got a little careless one night and by the time baby appeared, “daddy” had already vanished.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and make it seem like it’s a woman’s fault that her child’s father isn’t present, but ultimately it’s her fault the ball’s in her court. What I mean by that is better choices in sexual partners lessen the odds of ending up with a deadbeat baby daddy. And better choices have less to do with the kind of job he has and more to do with his values and morals, especially when it comes to being a good father.
I’ve heard the testimonies about men changing their ways once they found out they were going to be fathers. And though that may be true in some situations, I’m still willing to bet a DOLLAR that those cases are in the minority. The fact of the matter is that most deadbeat assholes will show their true colors…and most women will try their hardest to ignore the neon signs. It still blows my mind that there are women who still think that the way to keep a man is by having his kid. Sorry boo-boo, the best way to keep a man is actually finding one who doesn’t want to leave in the first place (that’s a topic for another blog post though).
That said, unless women start to take notes from Girls Are Fcuk’n Dumb, the best way to truly decrease the odds of having a kid with someone you don’t particularly want to is the pull out method to not have sex until marriage…and that has about the same odds as the Redskins winning a Super Bowl in the near future. Clearly it’s possible, but let’s be real here. Because of that, I also believe that the use of contraceptives (birth control, morning after pill, and abortion) will increase greatly.
This type of legislation would make things a hell of a lot simpler for men – and I’ll be honest and say that the average American asshole male would become exponentially more reckless. Why? Because Boys Are Fcuk’n Dumb Too! Generally speaking, we’re already stupid as hell when it comes to sex. This would just give us the ultimate cut card. I could just foresee a lot of conversations going something like this…
- Woman: Babe, I’m pregnant
- Man: I’m not ready to be a father.
Ain’t nobody got time for that
- Woman: You weren’t saying that when
you were knee deep in these cheekswe were making love
- Man: You’re right! Good thing the [insert name of bill] bill is on my side. I don’t want a kid. Sooooo, deuces! But since you’re already pregnant, wanna get one last one in for the road?
Not saying it’s right or even that I agree with it, but it would be the reality we live in. Shit, if this was legislation when I found out I was going to be a father, I may have had a debate with my morals and values.
Pharmaceutical and Condom Corporations would be all over this. Why? Because America is the epitome of capitalism. On one hand, they’re probably already hiring top shot lobbyists to actualize this into a bill. On the other, their Research and Development budgets to produce better forms of birth control and emergency contraceptives would be insane. Long story short, they would be making money hand over fist. Kinda like “Big Tobacco.”
In closing, the thoughts from this article solidified my view that every sexual partner is a potential co-parent. A “good time tonight” can turn into having two additional people in your life [for the rest of it]. I may bicker with my little guy’s mom from time to time, but when everything is said and done, we both agree that that little boy is our main focus and I’m grateful for that.
Anyway, Happy Fathers’ Day, especially to all the women who have to fill in for dead beat dads #LowBlow!